Friday, April 16, 2010

The Hans and Mendez Happy Hour

Europeans take siestas, actors take fives, and CEOs spend their lives loafing like bums. For the average American we have Happy Hour to sooth our nerves and souls. There is nothing more American than free or discounted food served with discounted (or veiled as discounted) alcoholic beverages.

Happy Hours are best enjoyed after a long day, when food and drink are needed to lift spirits and weary heads from hands. Hans and Mendez are perfect canadites for this American tradition. New Haven had fallen victim to a very un-American political rally. The Tea Baggers have gathered at Long Wharf, a great New Haven eating location, to spread their message of disjointed anti-progress anti-liberty rhetoric. With their turf invaded for the day by freedom and thought hating Tea Baggers the bloggers thought of eating a carton of Ben and Jerry's each to lift their troubled spirits. "Let's do something productive, Mendez. Let's drink."

Hans and Mendez were so shook up about the conservative take over that they neglected New Haven's better happy hours, such as C.O. Jones and Prime 16 (stay tuned to updates on those). Instead, like Ray who was told not to think of anything, for it would bring ruin, the bloggers thought of the Stay Puft Marshmallow of bars: Rudy's.

Rudy's at night time is packed. You elbow your way to the bar as Motley Crue and Morrissey blare over the speakers. In the winter the rooms are kept a cozy below freezing; in the summer they are several degrees above the outside air, depending on the number of patrons. Rudy's is known for its regulars like Cheers or Moe's. If you are looking for that funny looking guy with the funny looking mustache playing "Don't Stop Believing" on a wax paper kazoo, you will probably find him one night sipping a Schlitz. He may claim that Rudy's is locals only, completely ignoring its campus proximity and wall to wall Yale sports memorabilia.

To early for the $2.50 domestic bottle special and too late to turn around the blogger's ordered Saranac as it was the daily drink special. Hans being hungry decided to order the chicken nuggets special. The cook took the order and walked away then returned five minutes later apologizing that they did not have any Chicken Nuggets, they took chicken wings and a hot dog instead. This came to 10 dollars.

A man spoke intelligently while the bloggers nursed their beers. "You know what's wrong with society? Because of political correctness we have to accept other people's flaws- think of the politicians and the public who support ideas so outdated and so selfish- ideas whose results cause pain for others. They take to the streets and they take to the televisions and we all sit here and make do. We try to get through the day and accept people for who they are. But it is they who do wrong." Who would say this? The man with the wax paper kazoo? No, it was CSI SVU's rapist.

Scrunching their eyebrows in dismay the bloggers were alleviated with the food. The hot dog was okay and ripped in half to share. The hot dog is worth exactly 1.50. The wings were delicious and satisfied the requirement for good wings: they were messy fun. If the spicy sauce doesn't coat your fingers and leave you looking like a cannibal, what's the point? Hans and Mendez sat and watched the rest of CSI, transfixed by the amount of eyebrow scrunching required by the actors when a new development came about. Who would watch this show? The bloggers looked around to the few who sat indoors, who sat at attention towards to the television. It was time to leave.

Where else to go? Their minds weakened by CSI, the bloggers ambled on to Christy's because it too is a proper noun themed bar. Christy's is to Orange Street what Anna Liffey's is to Whitney Avenue a block over; a Rugby crazed Irish bar. They were on a 90's British rock kick which is unusual enough in New Haven to notice. New Haven bars tend to avoid the Gallagher brothers music too tired of being jerked around by their heartless antics. Christy's Happy Hour is fifty cents off a drink. We are beggars; we chose their cheapest drink, the honorable Pabst . This means that Rudy's Happy Hour Blue Ribbon and Christy's are the same price. The wings are free but dry out on a heating plate. Christ'y bartender has personality and talks to you. It's a departure from Rudy's where the bartender texted Wordsworth while painting Fabergé eggs. Hans and Mendez used their certificates in personal training to compare the waitresses glutes and thighs. Their findings shall remain confidential for now. In the end the bloggers preferred Christy's. Like love thrift conquers all.

In the days to come, while working on in this post for you, we revisited Olde School and have been really thrilled by their Happy Hour Special, it starts and three and ends at six for the early birds out there. Affordable and delicious appetizers.

Eat on,

Hans and Mendez